WBB's World of Science

Springtime for Aurora Borealis

2008-03-09T21:00:00.012Z

I was fast asleep last night when my friend Della 'phoned and woke me from my slumber. "Go outside and look at the Northern Lights, they're f@*king awesome!" she said. I did, they were.

I've not seen them properly before - I saw them for the first time on the distant horizon in the middle of Saskatchewan when I stopped for a p!ss while driving to Manitoba last fall. It wasn't amazing, but it was nice to see it for the first time.

Anyway, last night blew my mind! Utterly, utterly amazing . Above and below are photos I took from the deck in my back garden last night. Unfortunately, by the time I had stopped standing around going "Ooh" and "Aah", got my camera, realised I'd taken some out of focus images, then got my tripod and set it all up again, the best of it was over. Never mind, better luck next time.

Apparently the vernal equinox, for that's what we're approaching, is the best time of year to see the Northern lights. Strange really as one would assume that midsummer would be the best time of year, what with the magnetic north pole being more angled toward the sun; but no, the vernal equinox is the best time.

There's a great deal we don't understand about the Aurora Borealis (and Australis of course). For example, why do auroras sometimes erupt with little warning and surprising intensity. What triggers the eruptions? Where is the energy stored?

The reasons for this have eluded scientists for a long time, but they now seem to be piecing together parts of the puzzle. In February 2007 NASA launched five spacecraft, collectively called THEMIS. THEMIS may have found the storm's power supply. "The satellites have detected magnetic ropes connecting Earth's upper atmosphere directly to the Sun," says Dave Sibeck, project scientist for the mission at the Goddard Space Flight Center. "We believe that solar wind particles flow in along these ropes, providing energy for geomagnetic storms and auroras."

Which brings us back to spring. It turns out that magnetic connections between the Sun and Earth are favored in springtime. It's a matter of geometry: As Earth goes around in its orbit, Earth's magnetic poles move back and forth. (The poles don't really move, but the combinations of Earth's 23° polar tilt plus orbital motion makes the poles appear to move from the Sun's point of view.) Around the time of the equinox, Earth's magnetic field is best oriented for connecting-up with the Sun. But there are two equinoxes, spring and fall, with similar magnetic geometry. In fact, autumn is aurora season, too but according to historical records you are still more likely to see them in the spring.

THEMIS is only really just getting started. The five spacecraft are on a 2-year mission to explore Earth's magnetic field.

LHC Update - ATLAS detector almost complete

2008-03-03T05:00:00.004Z

For those of you that may not have heard of the Large Hadron Collider (though I'm sure you have) at CERN there is a little background in the post.

Things are going well at CERN as the last part of the ATLAS (A Toroidal LHC ApparatuS) detector was lowered into place on Friday. Weighing 7000 tons and consisting of 100 million sensors the ATLAS detector will be used to to identify and measure the momentum of particles that will be created in the 14 TeV (terra electron volts) head-on proton-proton collisions. As particles pass through a magnetic field produced by superconducting magnets, this detector has the ability to accurately track them to the width of a human hair. The ATLAS experiment will now concentrate on preparation work before the start-up of the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) this summer.

The LHC will give physicists a massive leap in the amount of energy produced in particle accelerators compared to those that have gone before. Travelling at 99.99991% the speed of light, the proton beams will travel 11,245 times round the 26.66 kilometre (16.5 mile) ring every second. It is hoped that many predicted particles will be discovered, in particular the Higgs boson - the only Standard Model particle not yet observed. The Higgs boson would help explain how otherwise massless elementary particles still manage to construct mass in matter. We feel the effects of gravity and how it acts on mass, but so far science is unable to explain why particles have the masses they have. The experiments "attached" to the LHC, such as ATLAS, may provide the answer.

Other LHC experiments will look for the vast amounts of yet unseen and therefore "dark" matter and energy in the Universe, they will investigate the reason why there is so much more matter than antimatter in the Universe, they will recreate matter as it existed millionths of a second after the Big Bang and look for extra dimensions of spacetime (to either hopefully confirm or discredit super string theory once and for all).

So not much to look forward to then! I think this could well be one of the biggest leaps forward in human understanding of the Universe. Probably in our lifetimes at least.

Oh, and if you hear some idiot mention the dangers of the earth being destroyed by a black hole created by the LHC you have my permission to punch them in the face!

Welcome, traveller.

2008-02-28T20:21:00.007Z

I have decided that the reason I haven't been posting on my blog for so long is that I have not known what to write about. I am not able to write in such a amusing and witty manner as DriverChris, nor do I particularly enjoy writing about my day at work or what I watched on TV (though I scarcely watch it these days).

I like the focus of DriverChris's blog. All things automotive and those related to the world of the internal combustion engine; it's a good idea.

So, I have decided to focus my blog on an area of my life that interests me greatly, that of the physical sciences. Cosmology, particle physics, astronomy, geology and biology.

Big up an' ting to DriverChris for his hard work on the new look for my blog.

I hope some of you still stop by.

TTFN

WBB

I'm sorry, but...

2008-02-04T06:12:00.002Z

Go Giants!

No-one thought the Giants could beat the perfect Pats, including me.

I love rooting for the underdog, and the fact that ex-Steelers player Plaxico Burress was on the Giants team was more than half a reason for me to put my (substantial) weight behind the Giants. I gotta be honest though, I fuckin' hate the Pats. What with their gung-ho, rah-rah, imperialist, U-S-A! U-S-A! stylings and their play stealing twat of a coach I don't care who's playing them. 18-1 you losers! Actually, Tom Brady seems a genuinely nice guy. But still, I hate the Pats.

We had a basement full of friends, a whole mess o' wings, chips, dips and beers, and few games of pool, some rockin' rock music, a jumbo screen and an awesome game of football. Good times!

I like the Manning boys as well. Even though they've caused my beloved Steelers a lot of problems, I still like 'em. It was nice to see the dorky little brother of Peyton (the one no commentator would ever give a hope in hell) follow his big bro' to Super Bowl victory. Out of all the QB's in the NFL, Eli Manning is the nerds choice. It's a victory for us dorks!

Peace out!

Blizzard - UPDATE

2008-01-27T21:39:00.000Z

Well guys, we hit the big -40 Celsius (-40 Fahrenheit) this morning. With wind chill it's, like, -55 Celsius or summat. Step outside and it feels as though you have bits of glass up your nose as all the moisture immediately freezes and within 30 seconds your hands and feet are frozen and numb. This is full on arctic weather like I've never felt before. One of the guys that lives downtown came into the office and had huge bushy white eyebrows which was freezing fog that got stuck to his face, and he could stand his scarf up on his desk as it had frozen solid!!!

Funny to think in 5 months time we'll be in the +30's. That's around 75 C difference in temperature between summer and winter. Kerrrrrazy!

Back to weather again. Today's high was -23 Celsius (-9.5 Fahrenheit) tomorrow's high is -28 C (-18.4 F) and we had a little blizzard this morning.

Cloverfield spoiler

2008-01-23T03:19:00.000Z

The latest object of my affection

2008-01-09T03:49:00.000Z

The 1967 Impala is reasonably priced, friggin' huge, looks awesome and sounds great. What to do, oh what to do!?

I'm....nearly....there......

2008-01-03T20:02:00.000Z

For no reason

2007-12-15T07:02:00.000Z

My three favourite Basement Jaxx videos

I'm pinin' for the Fjords

2007-12-11T06:21:00.000Z

Back again. Christmas draws nigh and the yawning cavity of separation from the familiar and comforting embrace of Britain grows ever stronger; separation from my family and friends cuts me like a knife. I have never lived more than a few miles away from my family since I was born and we are incredibly close. I worry for my mother's health as she is seriously unwell (which emerged after I departed England).

I am a man(and his wonderful wife) in a strange position; separated from those people, places and British rituals that I love dearly, and wonderful, exciting new experiences and people that mean when I come crashing into the cold embrace of the grave I can say I've lived a full life. I have many new shiny, lustrous things (like a pool table, beer fridge, V8 Pickup Truck, guns, more LCD TV's than I can shake a stick at, home cinema, computers, games consoles, DVDs, music and cooking equipment), but they are just that - things. They no more buy one happiness than the transitory orgasmic glow of heroin.

My parents insist that I am looking back at a failed and doomed nation through rose tinted glasses. I believe not; very strongly. I believe that they are looking at Great Britain through turd coloured glasses of disappointment. I love them dearly, with all my heart, but they are. Having lived away from Britain for nearly 6 months I can see clearly all that is truly wonderful about my home. I am still sharply, deeply, critically aware of the faults and problems of Britain, but I have had my consciousness brilliantly illuminated by the light of experience.

Things that I miss about Britain (other than family and friends): -
1. Pubs!
2. Decent music
3. Old "stuff" (buildings, history 'n' tha')
4. Proper beer
5. Great comedy (probably the best in the world)
6. Awesome British food (Currys, Pasties, Spotted Dick and Toad-in-the-Hole)
7. BBC 4
8. Radio 4
9. The Guardian
10. Channel 4 (sometimes)

Things that I love about Canada (apart from a good new job - shame about the lack of money): -
1. My house
2. My Truck (and all the awesome, cool, stuff in it)
3. The cheap electronics!!!
4. The mountains
5. The snow
6. Really, really friendly people
7. Football
8. Hockey
9. Alberta! Woo, yeah, f*ckin' A (eh!)
10. The great bars

Anyway, enough emotional outpouring from me. Enjoy the pics of our lovely house buried in the snow, with Christmas decs and my new pool table lights - thanks Ed you da' man!!!!

I don't normally do these....

2007-12-05T01:29:00.000Z

Get a Cash Advance

...but as it came out as genius I thought I'd put it on.

It must be all dem big words wot I yooz.

Thanks to Nick

Weeeeeeee!

2007-12-02T03:06:00.000Z

Today was the first day this week that we had the time and day light (as it's dark when I get home from work) to go tobogganing with Bobsterette Jnr. We took her Ski-doo snow Boogie board thingy and found a place sufficiently vertical and covered in snow and ice. As Bobsterette Jnr was rather frightened/utterly terrified by the view down hill she insisted I went first.

Hoooooooooooly shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit! Seriously, it must have got up to around 30mph. Doesn't sound much, but when you're hurtling (and slowly rotating trough 360°) down hill 1" from the ground, snow hitting you in the face with an air temp of -20 C it feels pretty fast and scary. I'm not young anymore, and what being a rather husky gentleman, I feared that if I came off I could well do cause myself a significant injury. That, and walking back up the hill afterwards nearly gave me a heart attack.

I wore my new thermals so my extremities (just my hands and feet you smutty beggars!) didn't start to go numb for about 45 minutes - which was pretty good going. Anyway, it was great fun and I as I haven't been tobogganing for decades, well worth a trip down memory lane.

Blast from the past

2007-11-29T04:23:00.000Z

I remember watching a programme when I was a nipper (probably 4 or 5 years old) which had dreamy flute music and a man narrating a short film about wildlife. I remember thinking it must have been in America because the scenery was so different. Well today 35 years later! I found out that it was a series of films produced by the Canadian government called Hinterland Who's Who.

Amazing! A 35 year old memory of something I half remembered and thought I'd never find the answer to was answered. I really can't describe the feelings of nostalgia these films have evoked for my childhood.

I then found this:

Bloody schools

2007-11-29T03:45:00.000Z

For no particular reason here's a picture of a fireplace.

I'll try and stop talking about the weather because it's getting boring now, but this is all new to me and quite an experience. Anyway, I have one last thing to say. The forecast for Monday is a high of -20 Celsius and a low of -29 Celsius. That's, like, friggin' cold in anyone's language. When I read the BBC news and they're in paroxysm's of excitement about a smattering of wet snow it makes me laugh derisively. We always used to say in England that the winter's were a lot worse than people thought - well they're not. They are nuffin!

Anyway, what I was originally going to post about. My daughter has been mucked around by the school which has got right on my nips. We're not used to it, being from England, but the schools here nickel and dime you. She sold 6 magazine subscriptions a couple of months back (which still haven't started arriving) and this week she received some "prizes" for all her effort. Three pens, some flashing necklaces (which broke almost immediately), a couple of squishy light up rubber UFO Frisbees (of which one is broken) and a plastic beaker with seizure inducing flashing lights in the bottom. Anyway, some bint at the school asked her to return some of them because they weren't hers and were given to her in error. She was asked to bring back the working ones and keep the broken ones - the effing nerve of it! Anyway, she didn't want us to make a fuss, so we didn't. She took them back a couple of days ago and then had them returned today because the school had got it wrong and the other kids did get their "prizes".

No apologies, nothing. Well? Next fund raiser, you can forget it.

Brrr and stuff

2007-11-22T05:08:00.000Z

Last night Mrs Bobster cooked up a batch of muffins for Cup Cake Day at school today (yet another fund raising event), and much to my daughter's chagrin she had to buy one of her own muffins - the very ones she took to school! OK, so they were only a quarter each, but she was appalled at the audacity of the school.

Anyway, the Canadian winter seems to be getting started this week as is my first experience of it. We had a high of -6 C (21 F) and a low of -15 C (8 F) today with more to follow. I know that's mild by comparison with what's to come, but it's cold compared to the UK. I took the opportunity to do donuts in my truck in the car park at the supermarket last night, seeing as Mrs Bobster wasn't with me (she hates me doing that!). Of course snow and ice make it much easier.

New Toy

2007-11-17T07:06:00.000Z

Well I got it! Years of wanting one, not being able to afford British prices or have the room to put it anywhere, and we got our new 4'x8' pool table installed today. I haven't put up the brass and green glass bar lights over it yet, but I hope to soon. Had our friends Della and Ed over this evening as it was Tobes' birthday today. Had a great evening eatin' birthday cake, drinkin' brewskis and gettin' my ass kicked at pool (Canadian rules are way different to UK rules!).

Did I tell you I frikkin' love Canada!

Back from the mountains

2007-11-16T05:28:00.001Z

We've just had a fantastic week entertaining DriverChris and taking a trip out to Jasper National Park in the Rockies. I'd post a few more piccies here except for the fact that we took nearly 500!

Anyway, if any of you are interested check out a select few in my Facebook album: -

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=18631&l=418d0&id=740302467

While I'm at it, what the feck is it with Facebook? I find it a baffling ordeal. I just want to keep in touch with friends and family and all I seem to get is invitations and apps to be loaded. It's too unwieldy and complicated. Simplifyyyyyyyy..... man!

Hurmph!

2007-11-06T03:57:00.000Z

I am a little cheesed off about one aspect of life in North America. Canadians and Yanks bemoaning English food. Apparently they think we all eat puddings made from squirrels, blood and lungs or something and that all English food is terrible.

Yeah, whatever! You lot put fucking sugar in/on everything. Maple syrup sausages with sugar on them and fruit salad all on one plate. Are you nuts? And how much sugar and syrup do you put in your coffee as well? No wonder nearly the entire population of the continent is diabetic.

Also, don't slag off a nation's food when you haven't even tried it. Pasties kick calzone (I know it's originally Italian) in the nads, and the less said about fucking (makes heaving sound) pumpkin pie the better. Jelly Babies shit in the face of Gummy Bears and perogies are like slimy, stodgy globs of mucus, but with less flavour.

Also, I have to say that 10 different types of burger/pizza/hotdogs does not make your cuisine anything to brag about.

I LOVE root beer though, so it's not all bad. I love pizza and the flavoured coffees I can get at 7 Eleven are awesome so I'll let you off. Oh, and you're right about black pudding - it's gross!

Winner Wonnerlan

2007-11-04T15:45:00.000Z

Being English, snow in November is somewhat of a novelty to me. OK, so it's just a couple of centimetres but it's still pretty.

Happy Halloween

2007-11-01T02:13:00.000Z

For a few more hours at least.

We've had dozens of kids knock at the door this evening - scrounging blighters. Actually, my daughter went out with a neighbourhood friend and she returned with a sack of crap that'll last her days!

Other than that I've been laid up in bed since Sunday after spending all night on the throne with my head in a bucket evacuating from both ends simultaneously. Niiiice. Now my son has caught it, so in between answering the door to trick or treaters we were clearing up puke.

It's been a while

2007-10-26T01:56:00.000Z

Well, where to start?

We've done a lot in the last four months, like move house, move country, start new job and buy a new house, truck and various other lifestyle accessories. I've also driven from Alberta, through Saskatchewan and into Manitoba and back to pick up a 1966 Mustang for a friend at work - all in 26 hours. Total distance of 2,100km. It blew me away. What a huge country this is.

Feels as though we've been here for years, not four months.

Sorry I've been out of touch for so long - I'll try and get back into the blog thing now we're all settled in.

News update - events as they happen

2007-06-25T16:57:00.001Z

In not very real time.

Right then, pimps and hoes. All our lives have been in turmoil recently as the move to Canada increases in pace. After many months of trying to sell the house, being jerked about by purchasers and having sales fall through we got a buyer. They then proceeded to jerk us about. Anyway, very long story short, the sale went through in the end and today we said a tearful farewell to our home for the last 12 years. We then dropped of the keys to the house with the estate agent and checked with the bank that we'd received our money. We had.

While the shipping company was boxing everything in our house up on Thursday and Friday I heard from my immigration lawyer in Toronto that my visa had been approved by the Canadian authorities. It only took them since February to process it!

So, on Friday I went into work and typed up my letter of resignation. Ahhh! Now that was good.

My manager is very kindly trying to negotiate a reduced notice period of a fortnight (that's 2 weeks) instead of 6 weeks. Sweet.

Nearly everything is wrapped up now in England and in a few weeks I'll be touching down in Canada and having a lengthy chat with an immigration official to try and get him to stamp a visa in my passport.

Next we have to try and find somewhere to live over there.

Holy Crap - New post shocker!

2007-06-01T23:53:00.001Z

I have been away living in another blog, my new found home if you will.

Anyway, here's an out of focus piccy of the moon wot I took this evening.

Ubie: I'm glad I almost appeared in your dream. Had I met you I would have suggested that you went to the Natural History Museum, the historic (and gorgeous) city of Bath and Salcombe and Dartmouth in South Devon. You could have had a pint in a pub near the sea and enjoyed a walk along the coastal foot path. Stepping on the kitten may mean you are feeling as though you are neglecting your cat - imho.

Best trailers ever

2007-04-09T23:08:00.000Z

Science museum trip

2007-04-08T08:03:00.000Z

On Friday I took my daughter to the Science museum in Kensington. We got there nice and early (before the crowds) and I particularly enjoyed the exhibit on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at CERN which is due to start full powered operations at the end of the year. My daughter got rather bored with all the science stuff (physics) and wanted to go next door to the natural history museum and look at the exhibits on human biology. There are some great displays on geology as well, so we took those in too. Forget the dinosaur exhibits though, the queue was massive. By 3pm the place was so crowded we decided to head home.

When I got back I was sorry to read that the magnets on the LHC had cracked during testing because of a "fundamental design flaw" (according to the manufacturers) which will put back operations until 2008.

The LHC has been constructed to try and recreate conditions shortly (at something like 1 x 10 -43 seconds) after the big bang to try and answer some of the following questions (amongst other things): -

Is the popular Higgs mechanism for generating elementary particle masses in the Standard Model violated? If not, how many Higgs bosons are there, and what are their masses?

Will the more precise measurements of the masses of baryons continue to be mutually consistent within the Standard Model?

Do particles have supersymmetric ("SUSY") partners?

Why are there apparent violations of the symmetry between matter and antimatter?

Are there extra dimensions, as predicted by various models inspired by string theory, and can we "see" them?

What is the nature of dark matter and dark energy?

Why is gravity so many orders of magnitude weaker than the other three fundamental forces?

After yesterday's downer...

2007-04-03T22:21:00.000Z

C'est magnifique! Bravo SNCF, Alstom et France.

Seriously though - WOW! 357 miles per hour. That would mean London to Edinburgh in just over an hour.

This is why the world thinks Americans are crazy

2007-04-02T21:38:00.000Z

Now, I know this is a small group of total nutters and not representative of the entire country, but this is what most of the world thinks the USA is made up of. I urge you to watch it.

Part 1 of 7

And I bet Nick is made even prouder of Kansas by these people.

My tummy hurts

2007-03-31T10:42:00.001Z

2007-03-19T15:27:00.000Z

Now, goodness knows I'm not a religious man (as you are all aware), but if a place called Limbo existed I'm sure this is what it would feel like. It's only been 6 weeks since the papers went off to Canadian immigration and I've been told it takes at least 14 weeks to hear whether you've been successful or not. In the mean time I've sold my car, had two sales of our house fall fall through, pack up lots of stuff in the house, EBay other bits and bobs and too many other mundane things happen to mention. I can't be bothered to do anything else just yet as it seems pointless. If (and I DO hope so) we get our visa it will be frantic activity for 4 to 6 weeks while we try and sort out the furniture shipping, pet shipping and various financial do-dads.

Anyway, F1 kicked off this weekend and we had a pretty good race. Nice to see Lewis Hamilton get a podium finish on his first F1 race - though he'll now be expected to match that every week! Also nice to see David Coulthard back up his incredible arrogance as usual by spending most of the race as a back marker before trying to park on Alexander Wurz's head.

England lost to Wales in the last match of the 6 nations, and by the celebrations at the Millenium stadium in Cardiff you'd have thought Wales had one the 6 Nations, not narrowly avoided a woodeen spoon. Twats!

Give me strength

2007-03-10T11:00:00.000Z

Well, the almost interminably slow progress of relocating to Canada continues at a snails pace, with added disappointments along the way.

Our house sale has fallen through, due mainly to the laziness and incompetence of our estate agents. Bunch of .....!!

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever make it out there.

Someone cheer me up please.

Uncertainty

2007-03-03T17:40:00.000Z

A tiny snippet of an interview with the late Richard Feynman. He has a knack of putting a lot of how I feel about the world very succinctly. It's well worth watching the entire interview if you feel inclined.

Obama W Bush

2007-02-26T22:01:00.000Z

I loved this cartoon in Harper's magazine.

Bobby's Helmet

2007-02-24T12:03:00.000Z

I wish I could take some sort of credit for this, but I didn't find it and DriverChris emailed it to me. But I think it's so damn funny I had to blog it.

So, ladies and gentlemen I give you the worst birthday card ever...

Snowy Owl

2007-02-08T21:25:00.000Z

We had the second fall of snow of the season this morning - and what a fall it was. I measured 6 inches (oo err matron!) of snow on our garden table, which is an amazing amount for blighty. As usual, because this country very rarely sees any snow, it was the main news item on national TV as millions of Britons couldn't get their 4x4 Chelsea tractors off the drive way. All the schools were shut (much to my daughter's delight) and by the time I had trudged into the office the seven people - out of a usual few hundred - had decided it was a snow day for them and started drifting out of the office by midday. I was very productive myself; I sat there all day and got through a mountain of paperwork (Guardian Sudokus).

I love the snow, me!

It's half time sex dwarftastic

2007-02-05T01:17:00.004Z

Cmon the Colts! It's half time rocking with the 1940's washer woman sex dwarf Prince.

Much better than the god awful Rolling Stones.

DriverChris and I are chugging the brewskis and enjoying a fumbletastic Superbowl XLI

Oh yes!!

Superbowl XLI

2007-01-29T20:08:00.000Z

Well, the Bears have gone from the rediculous to the sublime and the Colts have done what my beloved Steelers did ast year (that is make it to the Superbowl the year after they put in a technically better performance). Anyway, as a neutral I'm not sure who to root for.

The Bears? One of the great teams from the '80s now with an awesome defense to rival the classic Bears line up. Shame their QB sucks. But if you can't score against a team then it's pretty difficult to win. Still, nice to see the Bears back again.

The Colts? A really classy team, with an even classier QB and coach (I like Tony Dungy - maybe because he's the spit of a friend of mine at work). I know "we" (the Steelers that is) had a hard time against them, but you know, they're AFC. And the AFC is the best conference.

Can't wait though - I've booked Monday off work and DriverChris and will be staying up into the wee small hours drinking beer, eating salty snack treats and enjoying what looks to be a low scoring tactical game. The thinking football fan's game.

Can't wait!

Uzi Lover

2007-01-26T21:39:00.000Z

Some great stuff from Chris Morris back in the 90's

Fur-Q and the Nirvana sanitary towel advert.

Lighthearted japes

2007-01-24T10:43:00.000Z

Sysm raised a very interesting point on his blog about religious groups covertly, or rather overtly, pushing their views at a Boy Scouts meeting his sons attended. Admittedly, the meeting was held in an Evangelical church, so it's not as though they were banging on his door and ramming their leaflets down his throat - it was on their turf if you will.

Now, as a parent, I used to think I should be impartial when it comes to these things and I've always been of the opinion that my children should decide for themselves about their acceptance, or otherwise, of any of the faith based religions. However, as I have got older my views on this matter have changed.

You see it's not a level playing field we're dealing with here. Schools teach religion as fact from day one and don't start teaching science until children are a lot older (because science requires a greater level of intellectual development to understand - we're not dealing with "Because I told you so", we're dealing with "Because we can prove these things to be true through repeatable experimentation, thus."). This means that by that stage in a child’s development the religious meme has taken hold. Whether a child later comes to reason that, for example, Christianity makes no sense there is still that grain of an idea that was repeatedly forced upon their impressionable mind at an early age. And that's my point, religion relies on being repeatedly pushed at a very early age to make it stick - introduce it later in life and it very rarely gets taken up.

We scientists are told we must respect our children's freedom to make up their own minds, yet we are expected to sit back and say nothing when religious groups, or worse the State, have a free reign to indoctrinate my children with their views in any way they see fit. The default standard is that it is morally unacceptable to raise a child purely as a scientist (I hate the term atheist and try not to use it) and that we should give equal weight to religious opinions, but at the same time the opposite is not afforded to us by the religious portion of the population. For them it is morally desirable to raise a child as a believer and to reject science at the same time. Inconsistent at the very least.

Your choice to believe in a supernatural being is yours, but the way our children are forced to accept religious beliefs is not. As Superintendent Chalmers says in The Simpsons, "Religion has no place in this school, just as facts have no place in religion."

Amen.

Something much lighter next time I promise.

PCGM

2007-01-22T14:26:00.001Z

I was standing at the deli counter in the staff caffeteria at lunch today when the woman making up my sandwich looked out of the window at a group of Indian contractors walking up to the front of the building. "I thought they was dagos," she announced. "But they're Indians ain't they? Actually, I can't say that can I? It's political correctness gone mad!" Her colleague then said, "Yeah! You're not allowed to say anything these days! We've had our freedom of speech taken away from us."

Oh dear, where do I start? Firstly, lunchlady #1 has already nailed her racist colours to the mast by calling our Spanish overlords "dagos". Secondly (and nicely pointed out by a female customer standing next to me), it is perfectly correct to call them Indians as they are from India. Nothing racist about that. Finally, I had to point out to lunchlady #2 that no one had taken away her freedom of speech, or for that matter, her freedom to be a moron (I didn't say the second bit as I didn't want phelgm as a topping on my sandwich).

Our freedom to protest has been taken away, but despite what the Daily Mail may think, our freedom to be racist bigots is alive and well. The majority of people that talk about political correctness (usually followed by "gone mad") are actually just frustrated at decent society's rejection of their selfishness and bigotry.

Beat box UK stylee

2007-01-19T22:42:00.000Z

Thanks to DriverChris for letting me know about this gem.

News update

2007-01-17T14:19:00.000Z

Contracts have been received, checked, signed and returned. Now the immigration lawyers can start their paperwork. I am waiting to be contacted by the relocation specialist as to next steps.

I have a buyer for my car (a nice colleague at work who I can trust) and we accepted an offer on our house on Monday. I hope this sale goes through smoothly.

I now need to do lots more clearing out of belongings, you know, stripping everything down to the bare essentials.

We've found a house we like the look of, but I'm sure we'll end up getting something else - you know how it goes. Still it gives me an idea of what we can get for our money.

I've also been window shopping for cars and as I'm a big fan of early '70's muscle cars this has caught my eye. You can't get anything like that in Europe, and if you wanted to import it it would end up costing about $95,000!!!

Anyway, we're all veering between excitement and utter terror, but I guess that's what you get when you go for a life altering experience. You may speak English over there, but other than that it's a completely alien world to us.

I must thank Beefy for spurring us into action; I doubt we'd have ever bothered trying if it wasn't for his success and our fantastic holiday in Vancouver.

Hot Fuzz

2007-01-15T17:22:00.000Z

I cannae wait.

News update

2007-01-04T00:15:00.000Z

Firstly, let me apologise for being do pants at blogging in the lat few months. Trying to get a job in Canada, and associated grillings, has taken up a lot of my time.

Secondly, let me wish you all a very happy new year.

Thirdly, I am waiting on the paper work for the job I have been offered in Canada. If anyone wishers to buy my house and/or car off me then please let me know. I have 4 bedroom detached craphole for sale for $400K plus a Mercedes for sale for $20K. Very low milage for a 4 year old C200 Kompressor (25K miles) and a full Mecredes Benz dealer history.

Finally, I love you all and I am filling my underpants at an alarming rate at all the juggling and financial wot-not I have to get through in the nxt three months.

WBB

PS Nick - you are coming to stay with us when we get to Canada! I will take you out drinking UK style beyotch!

Paul Kaye

2006-12-26T01:15:00.000Z

I don't want to see any of that Jackie Chan bollocks!

Alexi Sayle

2006-12-26T01:13:00.000Z

Happy Christmas you fuckers

2006-12-21T17:11:00.000Z

Movements afoot

2006-12-07T10:51:00.000Z

Well, I have returned from my most recent jaunt to Cananidia with news to impart. After a lengthy series of tests, tests, interviews, tests and more tests a prospective employer has said they want me to join their team and they're going to put an offer on the table.

Should said offer be acceptable then we will be putting the gaff on the market, flogging the motor and upping sticks. This is going to be the most stressful and traumatic thing we've ever attempted (including having kids) so here's hoping things go well.

Wish me luck - I'll need it.

Honesty not the best policy

2006-11-27T13:39:00.000Z

Yet again, we see wonderful irony in the world of politics. Baroness Tonge (Liberal Democrat Party) is in trouble for being anti-Semitic. Apparently she said that the pro-Israeli lobby had its grip on the world of politics. Immediately she said this, the pro-Israeli lobby leapt into action and accused her of anti-Semitism. Oh the irony.

She is a bit of a political pariah already because in 2004 she said that, even though she does not condone the actions of suicide bombers in (illegally) occupied Palestine, she could understand why they had been driven to it. For being honest she was sacked from her post. The reason? For supporting terrorism. What? She explicitly stated that she did not condone the actions of suicide bombers. Condone means to give tacit approval to. By explicitly stating that she does not approve of their actions she is supporting terrorism. Sorry, but that makes no sense at all.

As has been said on many occasions during the occupation of Iraq, if you want to express your disagreement with the actions of the US and the UK, you must always add, and stress, that you think Saddam Hussein is a nasty little thug. You'd better not forget that or you'll be accused of supporting a murderer. That fact is it is just that - a fact. Everyone agrees that Saddam is an odious killer, but that is not what we are discussing, and by having to state the bleedin' obvious every time you mention the war detracts from the most important thing. Hundreds of thousands of innocent people have died for nought - well not for nought, they're actually 7 times more likely to die in Iraq today than they were before 2003 and that the invasion has already caused twice the number of deaths in 3 years than it took Saddam Hussein to notch up in 24 years.

However, I digress.

Baroness Tonge said at an Edinburgh University meeting last week she had been asked to explain her comments and had described "extensive" US academic research. Another speaker, from the Israeli embassy, "did not challenge me during the meeting at all", she added. "My [earlier] comments were about the Israeli lobby in politics. They were a big distance from being about Jewishness or anti-Semitism." She went on: "The comments were political and about the state of Israel and its government."

Sir Menzies Campbell (leader of the Liberal party) later branded her comments "unacceptable", "contrary to the principles of the party" and that they cast "an unjustified slur on its leadership". He wrote to the baroness, saying the remarks had "clear anti-Semitic connotations".

John Benjamin, chief executive of the Board of Deputies of British Jews, said: "If someone makes comments that are so at odds with what the party feels, and hopefully at odds with common decency, then one would hope that they are no longer made welcome in the party itself."

Hmmm. I wonder what Mr Benjamin knows about common decency? Not a lot by the sound of things.

I have Jewish friends and they say they are ashamed of the behaviour of their government. One of them also said you don't hear anything outside of Israel about the number of Jews opposing the actions of their government and actively working to help Palestinians.

George Bush has learnt a lot from these people. Either you're with me or you're against me.

Fucktards 'R' us

2006-11-23T15:00:00.000Z

The spectacular stupidity of the average Britain (not Brit BTW, if I hear that used I'll come round your gaff and skull-fuck you) never ceases to amaze and amuse me. My favourite example is the hot topic in the UK this week - being able to buy alcohol and cigarettes over the internet from EU member states where taxation on these two drugs is much lower than the UK.

Of course Daily Mail and Sun readers are up in arms. The mantra of the terminally retarded xenophobe, "Back off Brussels!", is being chanted around blighty by those that feel somehow the monster that is the European Parliament is doing something very wrong by ruling that a person can only import fags 'n' booze into the country if they bring them back themselves. What's wrong with that you may ask? Nothing at all I say, but unfortunately most people are extremely confused when it comes to a perfectly simple issue.

Look at the always hysterical, or deeply depressing (depending on your outlook), BBC "Have Your Say" page for some wonderful examples of the extent brain damage in Britain.

Typical fucktard comments are about how greedy our government is, how it's destroying our freedoms and how this is just the French picking on Britain. Soon it goes off topic into rambling tirades of hate.

Funnily enough I thought the jackboot posse would be happy with the ruling.

1. Europhobes moan that we can't control our own taxation in this country, yet this ruling means that the British government has complete autonomy in setting its own tax levels.

2. Europhobes are always banging on about cheap foreign imports destroying good old British business, yet this ruling protects thousands of small businesses (therefore thousands of jobs) and the ferry operators from going bust.

3. Europhobes complain that Gordon Brown is greedy and won't give up billions of pounds in lost revenue from imports. Maybe, but you have to get your tax revenue from somewhere. What would happen? An increase in income tax would be the most likely result.

When can I get out of this aggressive, xenophobic little craphole with delusions of grandeur?
Not soon enough.

Big Mac, fries to go!

2006-11-17T15:19:00.000Z

I know my blog has been on an extended hiatus recently. Work, family and Canada have been taking up most of my time. Now those damn cannucks have decided that I suck I guess I'm stuck here in blighty. Oh well never mind, at least there some old things to look at here.

Anyway, TV regulator OFCOM has announced today that it is introducing a total ban on advertising junk food on children's TV. Huzzah and hurrah I say. About time too.

Now I'm sure the "fair" and "balanced" press in this country will go ape shit bonkers about "political correctness gone mad" and the "nanny state" telling us what to eat. Well, apart from the fact that it has nothing to do with political correctness or that OFCOM is an independant body, I am sure the sweaty, drunk hacks at the Sun, etc will be able to come up with some incandesent puff piece about the errosion of our freedoms. That will be the same "journalists" who advocate draconian police powers, id cards and the state spying on its population. Yeah, I'd rather have my nuts wired up to electrodes for 3 months without charge than a non-goevernmental body recommending we don't feed ourselves and our offspring fat and sugar. You can toture me and fit me up, but don't you dare advise me on what a sensible diet is you fucking nazi!
I can envisage Beyonce Pepsi McDonald Knowles freaking out in her chinchilla lined limo. "How dare those cracker motherfuckers stop me wringing every last cent out of my celebrity status! I won't rest until every single limey is a diabetic man cow. Give me my dump truck of sponsorship money so I can sure those assholes back to the stoneage." Or something like that. Now I'm not one for hyperbole,but she's worse than Osama.

Fall Out Boy

2006-11-16T14:57:00.000Z

Because Tony Blair wants to restart the nuclear power programme in the UK I have been thinking about Chernobyl recently.

Here is, what I think, a powerful quote from a Russain who lived in Pripyat: -

"I'm not afraid of death anymore. Of death itself. But I don't know how I'm going to die. My friend died. He got huge, fat, like a barrel. And my neighbour - he was also there, he worked a crane. He got black, like coal, and shrunk, so that he was wearing kids clothes. I don't know how I'm going to die. I do know this: you don't last long with my diagnosis. But I'd like to feel it when it happens. Like if I got a bullet in the head. I was in Afganistan, too. It was easier there. They just shot you..."

I recommend this website: -http://todayspictures.slate.com/inmotion/essay_chernobyl/

It still amazes me that a suprisingly large number people think that Chernobyl wasn't that bad. You'll hear all sorts of rubbish about all the wildlife living there and the low number of fatalities directly after the accident. What they won't mention is the continuing high mortality rate or the appalling deformaties in both animals and humans in the region. These are directly caused by the absorbtion of highly radioactive materials into the food chain.

Lets us Celebrate Supperware Love Tree with Happy Fun Super Time

2006-10-18T12:46:00.000Z

We all love a bit of Engrish, I know I do. So I just thought I'd list a few of my favourite Japanese car, truck and SUV names. In no particular order they are: -

Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard
Mazda Bongo Friendee
Honda Life Dunk
Daihatsu Naked
Mazda Autozam Carol MeLady
Isuzu Bighorn
Nissan Diesel Big Thumb Dump

Saints come marching in.

2006-10-16T14:37:00.000Z

New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton should be a proud man even if the Saints don't make it through the post season, let alone win their division. I think we will probably see them in the post season but there is still a long way to go. Payton said back in January when he joined "...that New Orleans is back and someone to be reckoned with in the NFC South." How right he is.

One of the many things I like about what he's done with the Saints is the massive amount of work he has managed to get done in the short time he's been there. He hasn't just gone out with a briefcase bulging with money and bought all the big names - he has gone out and got people that fit with the way he wants to operate. Sure he has spent a lot of money, but it's the way he has spent it that is impressive. Look at the Redskins. Buying in big names but not looking at how those people will fit into the existing team. A good example is ex-Steeler Antwaan Randle El. He has had a pedestrian start to the season and is averaging less than half the yards per game than he was with Pittsburgh. Of course Reggie Bush is an exciting young player and a great pick, but there's a lot more to the Saints than "just" Reggie Bush.

On top of all that, Payton has changed about 50% of the roster, and as Eagles defensive end Darren Howard (who played for the Saints last season) said, "It's a whole different team. They're doing it with a young set of guys who don't remember what happened in years past." To introduce that many new players into a side and not only have it gel so well, but have it winning as well is impressive.

Who knows what the weeks to come will deliver?

Oh, and don't worry, I still love the Steelers.

Smugness

2006-10-15T23:34:00.000Z

I believe I said on Mel's blog that "I am looking forward to this Sunday's game though. Chiefs vs Steelers - it's kind of like me and you vs Nick. I bet he'll be a smug beyotch if KCC win!"

Well, I needn't have woried as my Steelers got back on track in style this week with an all round awsome performance. 45-7 in the end.

Looks as though I'm the smug beyotch now doesn't it?

Still the Chiefs defense is in my fantasy team so I'm thinking the MK Chargers may have lost in this week's match up.

2006-10-13T12:41:00.000Z

Curry

2006-10-12T09:25:00.000Z

We went out last night to a charity event organised by my chum Ghone, and his wife, to raise money for the Rett Syndrome Association. It was a buffet in a local Indian restaurant with a quiz, raffle and auction. A good evening was had by all and a considerable sum of money was raised, so kudos to Ghone!

Ghone foolishly said that the ruder the team names the better so after a toss up between "Cum guzzling teens" and "We like sucking cum and shit out of your arsehole (with a straw)" we chose the latter. Surprisingly he didn't read out our name when we came 2nd in the quiz.

We won a prize of a box of dirty Belgian chocolates for our efforts. I'm going to have to leave them next to the cooker so they melt before the kids get to eat any. I must admit they are highly detailed and I'd rather not explain what some of the chocolates are doing to each other. My wife suggested we said they were doing yoga, but as far as I'm aware there isn't a position where you stick your knob up someone's arse.

Chaaaarge!

2006-10-09T14:22:00.000Z

Watched tons of football on the weekend. Whoda thunk the Razorbacks would beat Auburn, eh? I thought that was a forgone conclusion. In the other college game I watched I was rooting for LSU against the Florida Gators as they were the underdogs, and on the road - plus I hate the snapping thing the Gators fans do.

But the game of the weekend for me was the Cardinals vs Chiefs. I was hoping for a Chiefs shut out like week 5 as they are my fantasy defense team, but they went 14-0 down. After a valiant fightback they were drawing 20-20 when Larry Johnson was on the receiving end of a gut churning face-guard related tackle. I seriously thought for a minute that he'd had his neck broken. I was so relieved to see his leg move!

The return of T.O. to Philly was a completely over-hyped non-event after all as the Eagles played extremely well and the score flatted the Cowboys. And finally we can pretty much kiss bye-bye to any kind of play off hopes for my beloved Steelers as their season goes from bad to worse.

Other than that all I can say is that I shan't be listening to "expert" advice on fantasy picks anymore after dropping my Bears defense and kicker (Robbie Gould) from my UK based fantasy football league. Dammit!

One degree and we're done for.

2006-10-02T13:21:00.000Z

"Further global warming of 1 °C defines a critical threshold. Beyond that we will likely see changes that make Earth a different planet than the one we know."

So says Jim Hansen, director of NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies in New York. Hansen and colleagues have analysed global temperature records and found that surface temperatures have been increasing by an average of 0.2 °C every decade for the past 30 years. Warming is greatest in the high latitudes of the northern hemisphere, particularly in the sub-Arctic boreal forests of Siberia and North America. Here the melting of ice and snow is exposing darker surfaces that absorb more sunlight and increase warming, creating a positive feedback.

Earth is already as warm as at any time in the last 10,000 years, and is within 1 °C of being its hottest for a million years, says Hansen's team. Another decade of business-as-usual carbon emissions will probably make it too late to prevent the ecosystems of the north from triggering runaway climate change, the study concludes.

Vancouver Sunset

2006-09-26T23:37:00.000Z

Bad music Tuesday

2006-09-26T14:09:00.000Z

Oh god, nooooo!!!

I is back innit

2006-09-24T18:21:00.000Z

I have just got back from a two week break in Vancouver with the wife and kids. I got up at 7am on Saturday and have been on the go since then. Waves of unconsiousness are washing over me as I type. This is a whole new world of jet lag.

After staying in beautiful North Vancouver and feasting on the awe inspiring scenery of British Columbia, coming back to the shit hole that is England is rather a come down I have to admit.

More in depth stuff soon, and maybe some boring holiday photos.

Please excuse any poor typing as I am actually asleep right now........

Rotten

2006-09-08T21:41:00.000Z

Weekly Update

2006-09-08T12:57:00.000Z

1. I have been in hog heaven all this week with the NCAA Football, MLB, CFL and NASCAR. I am making my family's life a living hell of non-stop sports. I really ought to get a mullet and a wife beater oughtn't I?

2. If you didn't already know, Nick has been a superstar by FedExing me Sports Illustrated's NFL preview edition. From Kansas to Buckinghamshire in less than 48 hours. Soopoib.

3. Madden NFL 07 finally got released for the 360 in the UK today after being mysteriously delayed for a fortnight. Also released today was Dead Rising for the 360, so I have a weekend of TV, football and zombie slaughtering ahead of me. w00t!

4. The Steelers won the opening game of the new season against what we've been told again and again area the next Superbowl champions, Miami. Pah, I say! Look at the stats, they speak for themselves. Unfortunately I didn't get to see the game because the evil empire of Rupert Murdoch wants to hog it all for itself. I refuse to pay $50 a month to see a few NFL games shown once at 2:00am - it's a frikkin' joke! Anyway, sounds as though Charlie Batch equipped himself well, as he did last season, and that Joey Porter had a great game. Goooooo Steelers!

Sports, sports, sports, sports

2006-09-04T13:15:00.000Z

In my quest to be able to watch football in the UK I signed up with the NASN (north American Sports Network) channel over the weekend so I could watch the start of the NCAA football season. How many conferences!?!?!? There are an overwhelming number of teams and I can't find a beginners guide to explain how the season works. Nick, I'm looking to you to shed some light on how this all works.

NASN has live coverage of the following sports: -
Major League Baseball
NHL
NBA
Nascar
NCAA Football
CFL
NCAA Basketball
PGA Tour

I'm like a pig in s*&t!

Unfortunately, NASN is currently in negotiations with the NFL regarding their coverage for the coming season and it is still unclear whether there will be any coverage at all. I think Sky (Rupert Murdoch) is trying to buy exclusive rights for the NFL which makes no sense to me as they only show two games a week! NASN show dozens of live games from the above sports, and would provide fantastic coverage of the NFL as well, so I'm hoping they at least get the right to cover something like monday night football. Sky and the terrestrial channels just don't do it justice and us NFL supporters in Europe are crying out for decent coverage.

Bush assassination story

2006-09-01T09:05:00.000Z

I read this story on the BBC news website and could hardly believe it. John Beyer of TV watchdog, MediaWatch, said a film portraying the assassination of President Bush because of the war in Iraq was "irresponsible". He also said it may trigger a real assination attempt and that, "may well put ideas into people's head."

What, no one on the planet hasn't already thought of popping a cap in El Presidente Bush's ass? Do you really believe that? I laugh in your stupid face, you dick. What happened to freedom of expression? IT'S JUST A FILM.

I was pleased to see that even though the White House obviously finds it intensely annoying (and I'm sure would like to torture the crap out of the film makers) they do recognise the programme maker's freedom of speech. All they said was, "We are not going to comment because it does not dignify a response." Fair enough.

I can imagine that John Reid will pass a new law to make it illegal to imagine that all is not right with the world or make films that might be critical of authority figures.

Dicks.

Delicious Library

2006-08-27T23:32:00.000Z

After checking out this link that Taoski sent to our little group of Mac users I was so impressed with the software that I bought a license (probably because it satisfies some of my OCD tendencies).

So, after a day of waving games, DVDs, CDs and books at my iMac I have scanned in (using the built in barcode reading software) nearly all my music, films, games and books. Check it out :-

Boondock Twats?

2006-08-22T09:09:00.000Z

I watched a documentary last night, called Overnight, about the rags-to-riches-to-rags story of Troy Duffy, the writer of The Boondock Saints. Firstly, let me say, what a complete tool! He had the most abrasive, aggressive and arrogant attitude I think I've ever seen and you can see why Miramax shafted him and the film only got shown at 5 independent cinemas. Eventually it got a release on DVD and became quite a success through word of mouth publicity. By then, though, Troy Duffy had signed away all revenue rights from DVD sales.

From what I saw of the film it looks awful, and certainly gets a bad reception on rottentomatoes.com, where it scores an abysmal 20%. The following quote is typical: -

"It is, by turns, hilariously awful and plain awful, full of its own nonexistent momentousness, an unintentional parody of hardboiled gangster flicks." Ouch!

One of the things I heard about this film that put me off was that it contains a lot of slow motion blood letting. It puts me in mind of what Dean Learner said in Garth Marenghi's Dark Place, "Everything was considered for slow motion."

Another thing that puts me off watching it is the fact that it has Billy Connolly in it. You can be guaranteed that if he's in a film then it's going to suck.

I remember a friend of DriverChris's recommended it a few years ago but I never got round to watching it, mainly because I disliked the title of the film intensely. An irrational reason I know, and I'm judging a film without having watched it which is pretty bad I'll admit, but I know I'm not going to like Snakes on a Plane even without going to watch it.

I think I may have saved a couple of hours of my life, I'll never know.

Why we do this.

2006-08-21T12:55:00.000Z

Blogging is purely a pursuit for the vain and egotistical. We are all vain and egotistical to varying degrees. We want people to read our thoughts and opinions and we want them to shower praise upon our witty and intelligent observations on the world in the form of comments on our posts.

To achieve those ends we have to build up a “fan” base or, more accurately, a loose affiliation of friends, acquaintances and complete strangers (who we believe are our friends) and comment on their posts for reciprocal comments on ours. To keep the comments coming in we bloggers must make sure that we massage each others egos regularly otherwise out hit counter starts to slow down and the number of comments left drops lower and lower. It actually becomes a bit like a cross between the playground and work - lots of people trying to out do each other in the quest for popularity yet also scared of saying what they really think in fear of offending their audience and suffering the worst fate any blogger can face – no comments.

Not that you didn't already know this.

Reviews

2006-08-17T22:40:00.000Z

I watched two films this evening, one sucked and one didn't.

Now, as you may already know, I love a good zombie flick. Mmm hmm, yes indeedy. Unfortunately Land of the Dead is not one of them. Sure it had gratuitous violence (disembowelling, etc), but where was the heart? Oh, there it is on the floor. Actually, it reminded me a lot of an 80's horror film, and not a very scary one either. George A Romero has lost his touch. I've read a lot of reviews singing its praises very highly, but seriously its "political commentary" is sub-teenager in depth and subtlety. Ooh, Dennis Hopper says that he won't negotiate with terrorists and the greedy henchman says he's going start a jihad. Yeah, War on Terror, like, really, errm, George Bush, err, you know, erm... whateveeer! Now if you want a good zombie flick, Zach Snyder's remake of Dawn of the Dead is just brilliant. Funny, claustrophobic, scary and depressing, it draws you in and keeps you there right until the end. I must also remind you of the wonderful Shaun of the Dead. A great comedy that is also a faithful zombie flick to boot.

The second film of the evening was a war film with not too much war in it. Jarhead. This film has been criticised for not having enough action, but it captured the surreal nature of the armed forces wonderfully. All the action happened miles in front of them as they walked through an alien and bleak landscape periodically witnessing the aftermath of full-scale industrialised warfare. My brother-in-law is a Sergeant Major in an infantry regiment and is back off again to Iraq soon. He's been before and told me some (but thankfully not all) of what he's seen out there. It sounds truly awful. Anyway, this was more about the experiences of one man and how the army affected his life. I really like this film.

Make yourself at home

2006-08-16T12:23:00.000Z

A man accused of committing genocide during the massacres in Rwanda in 1994 has been found in the UK. Emmanuel Nteziryayo has been living as an asylum seeker in Manchester under a false name.

Mr Nteziryayo has denied the accusation and told the BBC he fought the militia groups who carried out the killings. Up to 800,000 people died in the African country after simmering racial tensions between the dominant Tutsi minority and majority Hutus erupted.

Mr Nteziryayo said: "I was fighting with [those against the militia]. Two or three times they wanted to kill me."

But Gatete Claver, Rwandan Ambassador to the UK, said Mr Nteziryayo was involved in organising the militia groups responsible for the genocide. "So many Rwandans died at his hands, " he told the BBC. "He had ensured that many people did not escape in his own area and that's why he is very much feared."

The UK has no extradition treaty with Rwanda.

2006-08-13T21:10:00.000Z

My first YouTube upload.

2006-08-12T07:35:00.000Z

Just a test one really, using iPhoto to create a movie.

My Baby

2006-08-11T22:25:00.000Z

News Update

2006-08-11T10:28:00.000Z

Until further notice BA has halted all flights from the UK. BA announced, "I ain't gettin'on no damn plane you crazy fool!"

Chomsky

2006-08-08T11:50:00.000Z

Interestingly, Professor Chomsky’s views expressed in this short monologue are pretty much word for word what I was saying to my father over the weekend.

I'm a Virgin

2006-08-05T18:33:00.000Z

Taken from the road in front of my parents house. Flying at about 20,000ft overhead. 300mm 1/800, f10, iso 400

Wee Tree Hugger

2006-08-05T18:29:00.000Z

That's ma boy!

Dragonfly, Painted Lady, Red Admiral, Ringlet

2006-07-29T18:06:00.000Z

I've been out today shooting wildlife with my new Canon EOS 350D

True Blue

2006-07-27T09:04:00.000Z

Chelsea front man, Hernan Crespo, continues to frustrate the best attempts of Roman Abramovich to help him forget the lure of Serie A.

The Argentine international has continued to express a longing for a return to the home of mafia, match fixing, and exaggerated hand gestures, despite the array of fringe benefits which the Russian mogul is alleged to have laid before him. The enticements, said to include his own private jet, a lifetime’s supply of alice bands, and Hawaii, may only represent a stalling tactic by the striker as he spins out his list of demands whilst waiting for Milan to get back to him.

Asked why he wanted to exchange Stamford Bridge for the sun-kissed, culture-rich, good living of northern Italy, Crespo was philosophical.

“Chelsea has been very good to me”, he said. “But it is not the same. When I was in Milan, when I was feeling down I would say, ‘Luigi, I feel I really need to score this Saturday’, and it would be arranged. Here, in the Premiership, people try to stop you scoring, and there seems to be no clear idea of who is supposed to score and when. It is chaos.”

Abramovich was unavailable for comment from his orbiting space base of clandestine world domination, but Chelsea were quick to dispel any suggestion that the Argentine would be leaving.

“Hernan is really very happy here,” said a club spokesperson. “Very happy indeed. His wife and child are very happy also, and as soon as the transfer window closes, we will let them see each other again.”

Vignette

2006-07-26T23:37:00.000Z

Oh.....my.....god!

2006-07-26T15:25:00.000Z

As Winston Churchill said, "The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter"

Still hot and sweaty

2006-07-25T19:38:00.000Z

Well the (for our American friends) 90F+ continues unabated and that air con purchase seems better and better by the day.

Anyway I have been off work for the last couple of days enjoying the heat and taking pictures of butterflies in the garden. Here are two of my favourite species - the Peacock and the Red Admiral. Unfortunately the Red Admiral kept closing its wings up so you can't see the beautiful upper wing patterns, but I do like the underside as well.

It's been quite a good summer for butterflies but I haven't seen any small tortoiseshells yet. Today we saw Peacocks, Red Admirals, Large Whites, Painted Ladies, Meadow Browns, Large Skippers, Speckled Woods, Gatekeepers, Holly Blues and Orange Tips.

Hot and sweaty.

2006-07-22T21:11:00.000Z

Took the new Mitsubishi L200 truck out for a test drive today. Very nice too. More like a luxy car than a pick up. Climate control, automatic, automatic headlights, automatic wipers, sat nav, etc, etc. New engine is a turbo diesel that is less polluting than the Merc, which is amazing. Plus it's cheaper to insure and tax.

Anyway, the hot and humid weather got too much and we went out and blew a couple of hundred squid on an air conditioner. Mmmm cold house. I'll actually get some sleep at last!!!

Finally, watch this video of David Mitchell discussing religion. Very funny.

Lazy arsed blogging

2006-07-19T09:31:00.000Z

I am still engrossed in Elder Scrolls and neglecting my blog, so in the meantime here's a picture of some pandas. Dude!

Networks suck

2006-07-16T22:41:00.000Z

I bought a Belkin wireless modem and router today. I connected it to my Mac with the LAN cable. I configured the router. I browsed the internet. Hurrah.

I set up my wireless networking options on the router. WPA encryption, channel 11, etc.

I put my Belkin PCI wireless card in my Compaq PC. It didn't work. I tried all sorts of stuff and in the end Beefy helped me over the phone from Vancouver. He suggested I tried WEP encryption. We tried 64 bit and it worked. I thanked him and said TTFN. I changed it to 128 bit encryption. It still worked.

I tried to go to www.google.com on my Mac. No joy. I tried Blogger. No Joy. I tried amazon. It worked. I tried the BBC. It worked. I tried Orpi.com. No joy.

I scratched my head. Why do some sites load and others time out?

I reset my router setting to the factory defaults and started again. No good.

I got my old single port router out of its box and put my new wireless one away. I plugged it in. Everything works again.

Bah!

Sorry

2006-07-12T13:48:00.000Z

Normal service will be resumed when I stopped being completely obsessed with spending every spare moment I have playing Elder Scrolls IV - Oblivion. I haven't played an RPG in years and I haven't been this addicted to a game for years.

My daily routine is as follows: -
Work
Family
Elder Scrolls
Walking the dog
Blogging

Sadly blogging doesn't get much time at the end of the day.

Finally, it has been one month since I last had a drink of booze. A cause for celebration I think, but not an alcoholic one though.

Photo Booth® fun

2006-07-07T23:29:00.000Z

After seeing Taoskis lovely elephantmanesque portrait taken in Photo Booth® on his funkeh new Mac Book I thought I'd post some of my own freakshow photos.

Today (yesterday now) was a good day.

2006-07-06T23:29:00.000Z

I didn't have to use my AK.

I have had cravings for booze quite badly over the last day or so but with sage words of advice from Capt Beef von Kleef, and a stubbornness that is quite unusual for me, I have refused the urges to succumb to the demon that is lager.

Another method to keep the demons at bay is to make maximum use of the chocolate vending machine at work and the new Krispy Kreme doughnut shop that opened on Tuesday.

Driverchris very kindly turned me on to the original version of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy theme tune; Journey of the Sorcerer by The Eagles. It’s a coke fuelled, prog rocktastic, banjo loving masterpiece, and it will be getting some serious rotation on my iPod for the next few days.

Oh gaaahhhhhd!!! We're all gonna die!!!!!!

2006-07-05T12:41:00.000Z

Now, I know we are all well aware of the fact that TV news journalists love hyperbole, but the ITV news last night made me laugh out loud, with the exaggeration and the explosions and the doom...Mm-hai bw-ha

Sorry, I went a bit Frink there for a second.

Anyway the, ahem "journalists", were talking about yesterday's impending launch of the space shuttle Discovery. A piece of foam had come off one of the pipes feeding liquid oxygen from the main fuel tank to the shuttle's main engines and they were saying that the future of all manned space flight was under threat because of this. Excuse me, I don't think mankind will just give up on all manned space flight because of the possibility that a piece of loose foam will damage some of the heat tiles on the space shuttle. How cretinous can you get? This has happened in the past and it will happen again in the future. As long as an eye is kept on it and any necessary repairs are made then I don't think it should have a serious impact.

Space flight is inherently very dangerous. I do not remember who it was that said sitting on top of a Saturn V rocket was like sitting on top of a barely controlled explosion but what he conveyed with that comment was that astronauts are well aware of how incredibly dangerous their jobs are.
One BBC journalist said that, "behind the smiles yesterday was concern and fear". Really? I think you are projecting how you would feel upon them. I'm sure they were concerned to a certain extent, but then who wouldn't be? As far as fear goes, I couldn't say, but I would have thought if everyone involved was as terrified as the men and women covering the launch then they wouldn't have got out of bed that morning.

Another item that made me snort with derision was one comparing the space shuttle to a 1974 Ford Cortina. They said that you wouldn't consider driving around the world in a car that had been built in 1974 and yet the astronauts are expected to risk their lives by getting in a 30 year old spacecraft. OK, an appalling analogy I think you'll agree. Yes, the space shuttle was designed in the 1970s, but Discovery was built in the early 80's and first flown in 1984. The computers on board have been completely replaced with up to date machines, the craft is thoroughly checked after each flight and broken or worn out parts are replaced.

Glaven!

I really, really hate journalists.

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

2006-07-03T17:35:00.000Z

As you may be aware I am a cantankerous old fucker. One of my particular peeves is the wholesale butchery (there is nothing like hyperbole to grab attention) of the English language. Most residents of the United Kingdom would place this squarely at the feet of our American cousins but I think that is a little unfair. I feel that we are equally to blame.

Granted, the United States has given us one of the worst examples of grammatical sodomy, or bum-love if you prefer, in recent years - the use of nouns as verbs. For example, targeting instead of aiming. One aims at a target, one doesn’t target a target! The stock response from people that commit this particular grammatical crime is that English is a living language and that it is constantly evolving. This argument is usually peddled by the illiterate and lazy. It is indeed true that the English language is evolving, but its evolution is generally subtler than that.

The current affront to my sensibilities is the vogue in the United Kingdom to only ever use the singular “is” when the plural “are” should be used. For example, people will say, “There’s loads of different beers to choose from.” Instead they should say, “There’re loads of different beers to choose from.” Another crime is to use “your” instead of “you’re” and “there” instead of “they’re”. It’s not difficult to get these things right, why don’t people bother?

I have a little version of me in angel form on one shoulder saying, “Don’t worry about it, it’s not that important. Just try your best and don’t worry about what other people do.” On my other shoulder is a miniature me in a red leotard with a tail stitched on the bum holding a trident saying, “Kill them all, the ignorant fuckers! Go on, stamp on their pathetic heads until their brains come out of their nostrils.” I find that one has a louder and more persuasive voice.

Oh, and what’s with “for free”? It’s just “free”!!!!

Argh.

P.S. I am not claiming to be infallible. I know I make mistakes too, but at least I try.

Good guys finish last

2006-07-01T23:45:00.000Z

The old saying is true, good guys do finish last.

In a very unsporting game tonight England were knocked out of the world cup on penalties. It all started just before the game when Cristiano Ronaldo head-butted Wayne Rooney to wind him up. He sensibly walked away. The game got underway with a pedestrian first half with neither side looking like scoring. Luis Figo dived 7 times desparetly trying to get England players booked but to no avail. At half time it was 0-0.

Then things started to happen in the second half. After a very late and cynical challenge on David Beckham the Portugese got away with it again and Beckham was penalised for diving. A few minutes later had to be substituted because of the injury he received in the late chalenge. Then ten minutes later, as Wayne Rooney was carving up the Portugese defence, he was pulled back by Carvalho. In the ensuing tangle he stepped backwards on his opponent's groin as Carvalho was on the floor trying to win the ball. Carvalho reacted dramatically and Ronaldo sprinted to the referee, demanding a red card (which is a bookable offence). As he did so Rooney turned to Ronaldo and gently pushed him away. Television footage shows Ronaldo winking towards the Portugal bench as Rooney made his way off. Even with a man down the Portugese never looked like scoring and England held them off for 30 minutes of normal time to end the game 0-0.

They didn't even come close in 30 minutes of extra time as England nearly won it on several occasions with the keeper making some excellent saves. Never the less extra time ended 0-0 with the dreaded penalty shoot out to follow.

We then knew England were out as they cannot seem to take penalties. Ricardo made some good saves off some very poor penalties and it was bye-bye England.

At least Brazil and the Argies are out.

Who's for a Germany v France final then?

Get on the grief bus

2006-07-01T09:17:00.000Z

Today marks the 90th anniversary of the start of the Battle of the Somme. The British suffered around 420,000 casualties, the French 195,000 and the Germans around 650,000.

What I hate about anniversaries of this sort is the appalling journalism that ensues. On the BBC this morning I had to listen to trite sentimentality of the worst kind. Some fat-headed ignoramus blithering on about how it was somehow more painful today than back then and how it moved him to tears seeing tourists at the Thiepval monument touching the names of fallen soldiers with their fingers is if they were “reaching out to those that died and touching them” as well. Fine if these people are the descendants of soldiers that fought there, but as a tourist attraction I find it extremely distasteful. Does the fact that some people have driven there solely for the purpose of grief tourism not disturb you?

This all started coming to the fore when Princess Di was killed in a car crash, and was built upon following the murder of TV presenter Jill Dando and the two little girls, Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman, in Soham. Literally tens of thousands of people flocked to the town with flowers and tributes. Though many had good intentions, there were others for whom the trip to Soham was regarded as yet another tourist destination, coaches full of tourists even making special detours from the sights of Cambridge to visit the scene of this dreadful crime. The thing is these people weren’t going for any other reason than egotistical ones - a public display to show how caring and wonderful they are purely to satisfy their own ego. Rather than piling up damp teddies and rotting flowers for complete strangers people should go out and do some real good.

Going back to my original point, I don’t want you to misunderstand my emotions about the commemorations. I think what happened at the Somme and in battles like Passchendaele are truly shocking and need to be remembered. My great, great Grandfather was in the army and lucky to survive the First World War. In fact he received the Military cross for bravery.

Get on the good foot and do the bad thing

2006-06-30T20:52:00.000Z

In my "Oh, what's the bloody point?" post we ended up, thanks to my wife, with several different expressions for sexual intercourse. It started with bonk (much to Driverchris' distress) and ended up with boff (courtesy of Mr Taoski) via rodgering, fuck, shag and shafting.

I want you to think of as many different euphemisms for sexual congress as possible.

Here're a few to get you started.

Making the beast with two backs.
The horizontal mambo.
Giving the one-gun salute.

That's enough. Get to it.

Yippeee

2006-06-30T15:16:00.000Z

La, la, lardy, la, la! It's Friday.

I have just bought airline tickets for me and the family and we're all off to see Cap'n von Beef in Vancouver. Hopefully by the time we get there he'll have set up his own company and he can sponsor me for a work permit. If not I'll just hide in his basement.

After wincing at spending all that money in one go I'm really, really frikkin' excited. I've been busy looking up things to do and places to go and I think we're going to be busy while we're there - that or I'll sit in the garden watching bears pooing under their trees.

I can't wait!

Oh, what's the bloody point?

2006-06-29T22:48:00.000Z

Well I've been on the wagon for a fortnight now and still no cravings for a beer/glass of wine/whiskey/cider/gin/rum/vodka. In fact I really don't feel like having alcohol at all. I am drinking alcohol free Becks which is yummy so I don't feel I'm "missing out" when I go to the pub.

Now the downside(s). I've not lost any weight, I feel just as bloated as before and I am only slightly less depressed. My liver (or pancreas or whatever the fuck it is) still hasn't stopped tingling and my inability to sleep properly continues unabated. I am getting support from only a few people and derision from many. To those that are supporting me, thank you. You know who you are. To those that aren't, fuck you! They probably aren't even reading this, but you know, just in case.

This is probably not the best forum to air my smalls.

Hurrah for Muse

2006-06-29T08:55:00.000Z

I'm jumping up and down like an excited thing because on Monday Muse's new album, Black Holes and Revelations is out. I had a listen in our local Virgin Megastore yesterday lunchtime and even though it's a departure from their usual style I really, really, really liked it. It opens with a dig at our beloved and benign Prime Minister.

Take a Bow
==========
Corrupt
You're corrupt
Bring corruption to all that you touch
Hold
You behold
And beholden for all that you've done
And spin
Cast a spell
Cast a spell on the country you run
And risk
You will risk
You will risk all their lives and their souls

And burn
You will burn
You will burn in hell, yeah you'll burn in hell
You'll burn in hell
Yeah you'll burn in hell
For your sins

And our freedom's consuming itself
What we've become
It's contrary to what we want

Take a bow

Death
You bring death, and destruction to all that you touch
Pay
You must pay
You must pay for your crimes against the earth
Yeah hex
Feed the hex
Feed the hex on the country you love

Now beg
You will beg
You will beg for their lives and their souls

Now burn
You will burn
You will burn in hell, yeah you'll burn in hell
You'll burn in hell
Yeah you'll burn in hell
You'll burn in hell
Yeah you'll burn in hell
For your sins

PS Did I mention I liked it?

I can't be silent anymore

2006-06-28T10:39:00.000Z

I normally wouldn't put up a post about this sort of thing but recent events have prompted me to do so.

During the world cup there have been many well-publicised incidents of fans of England being attacked or having their windows smashed in Scotland. Their heinous crime? Flying an English flag. There are two particular incidents that sum up the attitude of the Scots. They are as follows: -

1. An attack on seven-year-old primary schoolboy Hugo Clapshaw in which he was punched in an Edinburgh park (I was punched in my Edinburgh Park once and I had to put cream on it).

Hugo told BBC Scotland: "I just felt this big whack and I started crying. His eyes looked very fierce. He whacked me on the head very, very hard and it's left a big bruise. He told my dad I should be supporting Scotland not England." His father was also assaulted. The assailant was thought to be in his 30's.

2. An attack on a 41-year-old disabled man who was wearing an England shirt. Ian Smith was attacked in his car in Aberdeen. Mr Smith was sitting in his parked car on Anderson Road when he was dragged from the vehicle and beaten up on Tuesday. He struggled with his attacker and was left requiring treatment for injuries to his face. "...it was a totally unprovoked racist attack because I was wearing an England top." The attacker was described as a man in his early 40s, muscular, 5ft 6in tall, and wore a donkey jacket. You can't stop a small bloke from kicking off - especially a small Scottish one.

I'm glad to see that these brave men chose to pick victims that were able to deal with a physical assault. A small child and a disabled man.

There I was thinking that us English types were all either homosexuals or arrogant/psychopathic criminals. Well if Hollywood has taught me anything, it’s that.

One happy fan

2006-06-25T22:42:00.000Z

More World Cup bollocks from me again I'm afraid.

England managed another lackluster performance again much to our surprise, but as "they" say, a win's a win. Beckham scored the only goal with a magnificent free kick, his first for ages, and then promptly blew chunks. Mmmm, nice.

Still, through to the last eight and a quarter final game against Portugal. A tough game for sure, but with Deco and Costinha being sent off (Luis Figo escaping the same fate for a headbutt), and Ronaldo limping off with a thigh injury Portugal will be without 2, maybe 3, key players next Saturday.

Here's hoping England can up their game when it counts.

2006-06-24T12:50:00.000Z

2006-06-24T12:49:00.000Z